So we went to this funeral the other day....

A Tongan lady who works in Roger's department passed away quite suddenly a couple of weeks ago.

 Fane Sovaleni

She has worked for the company since before I quit working there 14 years ago, but I barely remember her. I think she worked in a different department then. Roger thought very highly of her though and let me know right away that he would like for us to attend her viewing.
We waited nearly a whole week for the obituary to show up in the paper and then made plans to go.
As soon as her family found out that we planned to attend they asked her supervisor and Roger (her manager) to speak at the funeral.
The time listed in the obituary was 6pm until midnight at the Tongan United Methodist Church.
Roger talked with some of her other coworkers and they decided to meet there at 7 pm.
Roger and I arrived before the others. I'm pretty sure we were the only people there never to have set foot on a Polynesian island. And there were a LOT of people there. But no one seemed to notice us or think that we looked out of place. lol
Someone pointed us in the direction of the chapel where we went in to sit and wait for the others.
We thought that there was a church service going on when we walked in and then about 20 minutes later we were told it was a prayer. !! This prayer went on for about 45 minutes and then the viewing began.
Roger and the supervisor spoke, theirs were the very few words spoken in English during the entire service. They were each given a fresh flower lei as they left the podium. Along with the declaration that they "are Tongan now".

Fane's coworkers had taken up a collection for her son and Roger was asked to present that to him. After the coworkers had a chance to speak with Fane's son, it was the family's turn to each say a few words of farewell to Fane. Some of the younger family members expressed themselves in English. The older family members mostly spoke in Tongan. And then the family began to line up for the viewing. The very first mourners were quite grief stricken and emotional at the casket. As we sat there hearing words we didn't know but still somehow understood, some of the congregation began singing and others joined in. When the mourners at the casket got louder with their crying, it seemed that the singers increased their volume as well. As if to provide a sense of privacy to the grief stricken. It was a very moving thing to witness.
At the end of the line of family there were 4 or 5 women who were wrapped from head to toe in what looked like sheets of fabric made of dried reeds or grasses, the edges trimmed with flowers and feathers (?). You could see their faces but this covering went up above their heads and all the way to the floor. I was so fascinated by them and curious about the meaning of their dress.
As we left the chapel we were met in the hallway by a couple of Fane's female family members who approached Roger and the supervisor to tell them how honored they were to have them there. This caught us off guard since Roger felt so honored to be asked to speak and to be welcomed into this private time of grief for their family.
Even more surprising, a few moments later Roger and the supervisor were each given a beautiful quilt!

We were just so stunned. I'm still not sure what to think of it. I never would have guessed that Fane's "bosses" would be so highly regarded.
It was just a far more beautiful experience then I ever would have expected a funeral to be.
And then as we said our goodbyes and offered our condolences, the quilts had to be handed off to myself and the supervisor's companion because one take home container full of food after another began piling into their arms as we headed for the door.
We were only there for about an hour and a half and I swear it was the grandest display of kindness and generosity I have seen. At a funeral!
Afterwards I told Roger that I was sitting there the whole time, from the prayer when we first arrived all the way to the time that we left, just wishing that I had an interpreter to explain each custom to me. To translate the emotional words that were spoken and the beautiful songs that were sung.
It seems so strange to say, but I am so glad we went to that funeral.
And my thoughts continue to be with Fane's son. He seemed to be in his late teens or early twenties, and the only child to his parents who have now both passed away.
I suspect that he will be well cared for by his very loving extended family.

P.S. If you are reading this and you know about the customs and traditions of a Tongan funeral, please share! I'm especially curious about the girls wrapped in the straw/grass fabric.