What we didn't do on Monday

 Memorial Day

We didn't visit a single grave.

On Tuesday I happened to pass by a cemetery and stopped to discreetly snap these pictures.

With my cell phone camera. Sorry! It was an impulsive stop. I was poorly prepared.

I was talking about Memorial Day with a friend last week. She visits all the graves of all her family. It's easier for her since all the graves are nearby. It's at least two hours' drive to the one nearest to us.

But, as I told my friend, I'm not sure we would visit them all, or any of them, on Memorial Day even if they were close by.

Stick with me here. It's not that they aren't each loved and missed very much. It's just that...well...frankly, they (my loved ones who have passed) aren't at their graves. 

Their bodies, maybe. But not THEM. Not the essence of who they were, who they continue to be in my heart.

I think of them all the time, unprompted by a date on a calendar.

And if any calendar date does prompt a fond reflection, it is the date of their birth or maybe their death.

And this....

 This goes against every frugal bone in my body.

I don't know what the cemeteries do with all the "decorations" but I suspect a great many of them end up in the trash.

Which is heartbreaking to me considering the spirit in which they were placed on the grave in the first place.

Also, the original purpose of Memorial Day was to honor the soldiers who died while serving in the Civil War.

I'll bet whoever had the original idea never dreamed there would come to be so many more casualties of so many more wars. 

 I kind of think Memorial Day should still be about just them, the war dead.

Not passionately enough to start a petition or write to a politician or anything.

I get that it brings comfort to other families to have this day of the year set aside for visiting the graves of their loved ones. It's just not my thing I guess. I'd rather just have my own (more frequent!) moments in time to think of them and remember them.

While we're on the subject, being buried isn't really my thing either. This will sound cold but it just kind of feels like a waste of real estate and resources.

Harsh? Maybe.

All of this is not to say that I do not visit graves from time to time. If we happen to be in the vicinity of one, I gladly make the effort. 

Later this summer I'll have a chance to visit my Dad's grave in Missouri for the second (third?) time since he passed away in 1984.

And we will visit Roger's Mom and Dad's graves I'm sure.

So my friend wanted to know how she's supposed to visit my grave if I don't have one.

I really want to be cremated.

After the chop shop has taken all the usable parts of me that are left, of course.

And if my loved ones INSIST on having a PLACE to come and visit me, then the cemeteries can accommodate that too.

But what I really hope is that each time one of them travels to some beautiful place on this Earth, that they will take a bit of me with them, to leave there forever.

Maybe just a teaspoon full of ashes.

There are so many loved ones and so many places I'd love to go.
I want to be sure there's enough to go around. ;)

P.S. Mums are on sale today. Cheap. :p