What we didn't do on Monday

 Memorial Day

We didn't visit a single grave.

On Tuesday I happened to pass by a cemetery and stopped to discreetly snap these pictures.

With my cell phone camera. Sorry! It was an impulsive stop. I was poorly prepared.

I was talking about Memorial Day with a friend last week. She visits all the graves of all her family. It's easier for her since all the graves are nearby. It's at least two hours' drive to the one nearest to us.

But, as I told my friend, I'm not sure we would visit them all, or any of them, on Memorial Day even if they were close by.

Stick with me here. It's not that they aren't each loved and missed very much. It's just that...well...frankly, they (my loved ones who have passed) aren't at their graves. 

Their bodies, maybe. But not THEM. Not the essence of who they were, who they continue to be in my heart.

I think of them all the time, unprompted by a date on a calendar.

And if any calendar date does prompt a fond reflection, it is the date of their birth or maybe their death.

And this....

 This goes against every frugal bone in my body.

I don't know what the cemeteries do with all the "decorations" but I suspect a great many of them end up in the trash.

Which is heartbreaking to me considering the spirit in which they were placed on the grave in the first place.

Also, the original purpose of Memorial Day was to honor the soldiers who died while serving in the Civil War.

I'll bet whoever had the original idea never dreamed there would come to be so many more casualties of so many more wars. 

 I kind of think Memorial Day should still be about just them, the war dead.

Not passionately enough to start a petition or write to a politician or anything.

I get that it brings comfort to other families to have this day of the year set aside for visiting the graves of their loved ones. It's just not my thing I guess. I'd rather just have my own (more frequent!) moments in time to think of them and remember them.

While we're on the subject, being buried isn't really my thing either. This will sound cold but it just kind of feels like a waste of real estate and resources.

Harsh? Maybe.

All of this is not to say that I do not visit graves from time to time. If we happen to be in the vicinity of one, I gladly make the effort. 

Later this summer I'll have a chance to visit my Dad's grave in Missouri for the second (third?) time since he passed away in 1984.

And we will visit Roger's Mom and Dad's graves I'm sure.

So my friend wanted to know how she's supposed to visit my grave if I don't have one.

I really want to be cremated.

After the chop shop has taken all the usable parts of me that are left, of course.

And if my loved ones INSIST on having a PLACE to come and visit me, then the cemeteries can accommodate that too.

But what I really hope is that each time one of them travels to some beautiful place on this Earth, that they will take a bit of me with them, to leave there forever.

Maybe just a teaspoon full of ashes.

There are so many loved ones and so many places I'd love to go.
I want to be sure there's enough to go around. ;)

P.S. Mums are on sale today. Cheap. :p

These Women - My Daughters

This is not really a birth story. That belongs to Crystal. She'll tell it in her own time.
This is the story of one of my most amazing moments as a mom.
Baby Nash was born last Thursday.
It started just after 1 am when I heard "Mom! I think I'm in labor."
I hope she knows how much it honors me to be her Mom. I hear her talk about me as her mom to other people. She calls me mom on Facebook. (THAT'S validation. Surely!) But in our daily interactions I guess we don't call each other by any name really. We just talk. Which is awesome! There's not a birth story for me to tell about how she became my daughter. But she certainly did - become my daughter. As loved as all the others.
We gathered ourselves up and went to the hospital. Started making the calls to the sisters. And they all started rolling in.
Kayleigh and Heather, together, as an energetic and enthusiastic FORCE through the doors of the labor and delivery unit. All smiles and laughter and loudness.
Kenzie on a 2am 2 hour drive from school, determined not to miss the birth of this nephew.
Emily stayed home with Jaxon, having declared herself too young for this. lol
Roger joined us and for a few hours there was lots of talking and laughing and one or more of us at a time wandering in and out for snacks or drinks or ice chips for Crystal.
But then....then we got down to the last hour and half or so.
Roger, still surprisingly squeamish about woman things for a father of six daughters, left the room.
And Crystal got down to the serious business of pushing.
Something happened.
Something very powerful that I'm still not sure how to put into words almost a week later.
There we were, two of us on each side of her, holding her legs and coaching her through sets of 4 pushes for each contraction. Encouraging her to do this hard, hard work so that she could hold her baby.
And I felt this incredible vibe, energy, connection, UNITY, no...none of those words is quite right. It was just this SOMETHING that I can't even describe that was going on between this group of women that I have mothered for so long.
It was just so moving. Any time one of them would offer up more encouragement than the business of "deep breath in! push! 2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10 exhale and deep breath in....." it would choke me up with emotion to the point of making it hard to count out loud. I might have miscounted a time or two. lol
And then Nash was here. And he is perfect.

I wish I had the words to describe this intense thing that I experienced seeing my grown girls come together this way for their sister. It was simply magical. There has always been some combination of myself and/or a sister or two at each birth but this was the first time I was there with all of them. Amazing. A week later and I'm still crying about it as I type this.
Our oldest daughter chose to become estranged from our family a little more than 2 1/2 years ago. It's beyond comprehension for me that anyone would choose not to be a part of this powerful sisterhood. I'm sad for her that she is missing out on this and that their group can't be one sister stronger.
I've never had a sister and it never really mattered to me. My one younger brother was my friend growing up and, I admit, the target of my occasional sibling meanness. It never even occurred to me to wish for sisters.
But after last week's experience I kind of retroactively wish for a few.
Everyone should have a team like that.

42 Down

I kind of forgot all about my birthday until 2 or 3 days before.
It was a low key (but just as awesome as last year) birthday for me yesterday.
There's nothing like a handmade card to start a birthday off right. Emily helped Jaxon make this one for me. She wrote the words on a different piece of paper and he copied them onto the card and added illustrations. All in purple of course. He's always very mindful of my favorite color. :)

Roger took me out for a lunch date. And Emily babysat as her gift to me. :)

We had lunch at Sweet Tomatoes where my meal was free because it was my birthday. I've been kind of obsessed with Sweet Tomatoes lately because I can make good Weight Watcher's choices so easily there. And they give you a coupon to come back in the next few days every time you go! They're like crack dealers luring you back for more.

After lunch we went to see Crazy Stupid Love at the dollar theater. I'm a cheap date!

Really cute movie. I loved it.

We celebrated my birthday with the rest of the family during our regular weekly family dinner.The kids planned everything this week. So I didn't have to do anything except be here.
First up though I HAD to get a picture of Dexter on the kitchen scale. He lost a lot of weight right after he was born and struggled to regain it during his first month. But the problem seems to be solved now and he's finally above his birth weight. I just wanted a pic to document how we've been checking his weight each week at family dinners. Soon he'll be too big for the limit of my scale.

141 ounces.

Dennis and Christy were here.

I didn't get pictures of everyone else but Kayleigh, Richard, Dexter, Crystal, Heather, Tukker, Maveryk, Oliver, Emily and Jaxon were here too. And Roger and I of course.

We just enjoyed a yummy dinner that the girls prepared and visited.

 Upside down Dex.

Heather's family gave me a new dress for my birthday. Love it!

Dennis and Christy gave me a gift card that I am pretty sure I am going to use to buy myself some brown boots. I love my black ones so much, now I need brown.
I also received flowers and some lovely scented handmade soaps too.
I also had dozens of happy birthday wishes from Facebook friends and one anonymous text message late last night. Hmm....
I'm a lucky lady and it was a fabulous birthday.

Faster Than A Speeding Bullet/Slower Than Molasses In January

Bullet:
Today was "Superhero Day" at school for Jaxon. In about 15 minutes, and without a pattern, I whipped up a Super Jaxon cape.

The emblem is too low. But he didn't seem to notice or mind.

Molasses:
No less than 31 months ago...okay it was actually more than 31 months ago...I purchased the fabric to make a quilt for the baby (Maveryk) that Heather was pregnant with at the time. I gave her the fabric at her baby shower and planned to have the quilt done shortly after the baby was born.
Great news! 31 months and another baby (Oliver) later, I finished the quilt today!

I had to enlarge it from crib to twin size after the first year or so. I planned to hand quilt the entire thing which might be the daunting thought that caused me to procrastinate so much. But I gave up on the hand quilting thing about a month ago. DONE is better than PERFECT they say. I just tied it and hand quilted only a random 16 of the puzzle pieces rather than all 96 of them.
And now it's done.
I also put all the kids on notice that I won't be committing to any more quilts for the grandbabies. Apparently no matter how much I want to do a thing, as soon as I commit to it, I lose interest. gah!
That said, I have already purchased most of the fabric to make a quilt for Dexter. Maybe. ;)

Remember When...

I posted nearly every day? About kids and cooking and goals and thoughts about all the little things I didn't want to forget and all of that?
I miss that.
Even if I'm the only one.

For The Last Time

Yesterday I did something that I will never do again.

I sent my last little 5 year old into his kindergarten classroom for the first day of school.
For the past few days Jaxon has been a little more independent than I'm used to. He has actually chosen to stay downstairs by himself while I'm upstairs working on a chore or some other task.
He didn't sleep well the night before his big day. He came into my room several times during the night asking to be tucked back in.
That morning he was very calm. Usually he would be asking tons of questions about what to expect. Always needing to know exactly how something unfamiliar will play out. Always needing lots of reassurances. But there was none of that. In fact, he seemed completely at ease until about 20 minutes before it was time to go and then he only asked if I was going to stay with him for a few minutes. I told him that his teacher didn't want parents to go into the classroom today but that I would wait on the playground with him until the teacher took him inside. He was fine with that.

We arrived at the Kindergarten playground about 10 minutes before school was to start and he went off right away to play with the other kids.
I almost never cry over these first days of school. There's always a lump in my throat that makes my "Have a really great day!" sound just a little froggy, but they never seem to notice.
I'm proud to say that he didn't cry either. I (and anyone who knows Jaxon at all) was expecting tears and a death grip. I got neither. Huh.
I guess he was just suddenly...ready.
He followed his class into the building and I waited. Just a few minutes. I knew there was a chance he'd come flying back out the door looking for me and some reassurances.
But no. He didn't.
So I climbed into the truck and thought about calling Roger to tell him how it went. But the thought brought tears to my eyes so I decided to tell him later.
I spent my first kid free hour drowning my sorrows in some fried and frozen type medication.

And then I went home.
To a clean, quiet house.
And did some chores without my little shadow constantly checking in on me.
It has been 20 years since I've been at home without a kid or five or six.
This is going to take some getting used to. 

I wanna share more....

about our vacation. But I'm too busy holding my breath and PRAYING IN EARNEST that hurricane Irene will just get over herself and not do any damage to the wonderful people and places we were so fortunate to get to know last week.

 The beach at Kill Devil Hills. And the Avalon Pier which we KNOW could not withstand too much of a beating! Charming and fragile as it is, with it's swaying with the gentlest waves.

 The Waterside Theater on Roanoke Island. It's already been so close to destruction so many times in the past century. What a tragedy it would be for them to lose such a treasure!

 The Currituck Lighthouse in Duck. And the wild Spanish mustangs in Corrola. Though they have endured many of these storms in the past few centuries. Makes you wonder if the silly humans could learn something from them!

 The Bodie Lighthouse... so close to being restored and open for visitors.

 Hatteras Lighthouse which I STILL want to climb! Some day!

 The sweet little fishing village on Ocracoke Island and it's lighthouse.

 And the ponies with ancient bloodlines who live on Ocracoke.

It's somehow more tragic to hear of these things in places that you know.
Move along, Irene. You're not welcome there!

Girly? Me? Hmmm...It could happen.

I've always said what a bizarre twist of fate it is that I, only sister to a single brother, went on to have six daughters. I'm soooo not girly. At all. Not a tomboy really either. I like beautiful things. I've just never been into fashion, shoes, fussy hairdos, jewelry, make up, etc. You know, girly stuff.
But lately I've been moving ever so slowly towards it.
I'm sure all those daughters would have appreciated it if I'd taken an interest a little sooner. Like around the first prom date maybe.
Oh well...better late than never.
In anticipation for our vacation to the beach I've been thinking about ways to wear my hair up.
Which I can actually do now that that blasted pixie cut has finally fully grown out. Did I blog about that? Probably not. I knew right away that it wasn't the cut for me.
Anyway...this morning I studied video tutorials to learn how to make a "messy bun". That says BEACH to me!
And I think I figured it out. But I also wanted a pretty thing to put in my hair.
So I grabbed this fabric that was cut off of Shorty's Kenzie's prom dress last year.

side note: The nice little Asian seamstress at the dress shop said I was silly for wanting to keep the scraps. According to her, those of us who like to sew are too quick to hang on to little scraps of things and then we never use them. I'll show her!

I used it to make myself a hair pretty with the help of a neighbor who gave me some hands on tips and the pictures and tutorials to be found all over the internet.
What do you think?

Maybe I need some new shoes now, huh? ;)

My wardrobe needs a makeover.

I'm just not a clothes horse. Just not.
Comfort matters most to me.
T-shirts and yoga pants work for me.
But there are times when I try not to look like a bag lady. And one of those times is coming up in 46 days. If you're counting. And I am.
I need vacation clothes! And there's no vacation clothes budget. So I need to get creative.
After my shower today, I pulled this dress out of the closet.

Pardon the towel on my head.
The dress is okay. Not great. It's comfortable.
Except it's kinda short. I don't know why but I'm just not loving my knees lately. Is that weird?
Plus, I have to bend/stoop a million times a day. It's not comfortable to worry about flashing your backside.
And aren't empire waistlines supposed to be slimming? I saw a picture of myself in this dress from last summer. I looked pregnant. That's why I put it in the closet and haven't worn it again.
So...I cut the dress in half right above the elastic at the empire waist and made a skirt of it!

It's actually a little too loose. So I plan to take it in a little in a few weeks.
I'm working on taking off a few of the pounds I've put back on.
I have to wear a swimsuit in 46 days people!!!

*crickets*

Is anyone still here?
Sooo....It's finally summer and we've been doing stuff. Lots of stuff. The more stuff we do, the less time I have to blog about it.
But all I can really focus on is the BEST.EVER vacation that we are taking later in the summer. Nothing else holds my attention for more than a few hours. I just go back to the planning and the dreaming and the anticipation.
But that's not fair.
I read a book recently, The Happiness Project. A little tidbit from that book that sticks in my mind these days is...
The days are long, but the years are short.
I don't remember now if it was something the author said herself or of she was quoting someone.
But it stuck.
It's so true.
And so, I'll be back soon with posts about our days leading up to the BEST.EVER vacation that is yet to be.

Oh, thrift stores! How I have missed thee!

It has been over a year since I regularly peeked inside of the local thrift stores.
A YEAR! How crazy is that?
Last year I would drop Jaxon off at preschool twice a week and spend the 2 1/2 hours that he was there browsing through the TWO nearby thrift stores. Near, as in, across the street from the preschool. Those were the days!
Jaxon doesn't go to preschool in our new neighborhood. And there are no thrift stores NEARby. Sad for me, huh?
I had to run some errands today though. And I decided that Jaxon and I should make the extra 5 mile or so drive down the street to the closest thrift store.
And look what I found!!!

THREE dollars baby!!! Oh yeah! and it's nice and big and it's gonna look GREAT on top of the kitchen cabinet.
I wouldn't dare use it for an actual serving dish. It's covered in fine crackling that my not so fine camera can't capture for your enjoyment.
I think it must be one of those "paint and glaze it yourself" ceramics jobbies from long ago.
On the bottom it is inscribed as follows:
"Gay and Steve 1970"
That makes it almost as old as....well, umm...pretty old.
Let's assume that Gay and Steve are still happily married and recently celebrated their 40th wedding anniversary by having a great big decluttering extravaganza! Lucky me!
Maybe I'll work thrifting into my once a week errand day. I sure miss it.
And Jaxon had fun too. He got a 100 piece puzzle of dinosaurs. I knew there was a risk that there would be pieces missing. But his 50 piece puzzles are too easy for him now. So we brought this puzzle home and he spent no less than an hour very patiently trying various pieces in various places. Never getting frustrated or discouraged. And, with only a little help from me (Not because he asked. Just because I was totally in love with how sweet he was, working so diligently on it, that I wanted to join in.) he put the whole thing together and he didn't even mind that there were 3 pieces missing.
That's a buck I'd invest again.

Thursday - Errands

In an effort to save some money, I've been running all my errands on one day each week.
Yesterday was the day.
I had lunch with my favorite handsome little man.

And then, since Sweet Tooth Fairy was right across the street... (Coincidence? I'll never tell.)

Jaxon had the "grasshopper" cupcake. That was the one he chose the first time we went there and it's the only one he'll ever get. If it ain't broke, don't fix it I guess.
Next stop: Best Buy. In another bold move to reduce our costs, I am leaving Verizon. Ack! Scary, right?
I bought a new phone. A prepaid plan will give me more features for half the price I was paying Verizon.

 Touch screen. woohooo! Look at me being all 5 years ago!
Of course, it's not set up yet. I wanted to keep my old phone number but the half dozen Best Buy associates at the cell phone desk were WAY too busy discussing the impending BYU basketball game to be of any assistance to little old me. Pfft! So I'm doing it on my own. If you need to call me...you might want to try the home phone for a couple of days.
Stupid sports!!!
Next stop was the bank.
Then the water place. No matter how much I want to save money, I CANNOT drink the water that comes from our tap. Gag!
Then on to Comcast to deliver one box full of expensive television paraphernalia.

Another cost cutting move.
I'm not gonna lie. I had some anxiety while disconnecting all this stuff. With each wire I removed I was thinking about the 15 episodes of Castle that I DVRed but never got around to watching. And the 12 episodes of The Upside Down Show that Jaxon has watched about 30 times each.
But we still have basic cable and now we have Netflix streaming in whenever we want, so I think we'll be okay.
We'll be okay, right? *whimper*
Next stop was the airport to pick up Dad returning from a business trip.

Can I just say that people who don't PARK to wait in the PARK and wait lot really tick me off?
It's already a pretty tight squeeze in there and they just kind of pull off to the side of the entry and exit lanes and make it even harder to maneuver around when your pick up is ready. Grr!!!
The rest of the evening was spent having some dinner and getting the TV's hooked back up with basic cable.
Refreshingly simple task when you decide to go "old school" with television.
Dave Ramsey would be so proud. I'll be calling his show to yell, "We're debt free! FREEEEEDOOOOMMM!!!!" if it kills me.

10 days

Brace yourself. This might take a while.
2/18
I spent the day thinking about one sweet grandbaby who was having her 3rd birthday and another who was having a 5th birthday party the next day. At the rate we're going there will soon not be a day of the year that isn't someone's birthday!
While I toiled at the birthday cake, Jaxon arranged his matchbox cars and dinosaur thusly. He says it's a dinosaur park.

The cake was not my finest work.

It's supposed to be a dress-up trunk full of stuff for kids to play dress up with. I'm not thrilled with the results.
But luckily, this cutie is easy to please.

2/19
I can't believe it's been 5 years since she put me in the business of being a grandma. Time flies!
Speaking of little cuties, here are some more of my sweet grandbabies that were at the party. So fun!

The party was at Jungle Jim's. On a Saturday. Chaos reigned supreme.
I'll bet I could find several pictures of Crystal in this exact location inside of Jungle Jim's from the past 15 years. But this time she's spinning along with her boyfriend's little boy. Did I mention that time flies?

Jaxon would have nothing to do with any rides. So he and Emily played games the whole time.

Towards the end of the party Roger and I said our goodbyes to the birthday girl.

And we headed out of town for my "Late Valentine's Day Surprise that Wasn't" gift to him.
About a month before Valentine's Day I made reservations for us to go to Wendover and see a concert and stay the night. The day before V-Day he did something very strange for him. He opened my credit card statement. And ruined his own surprise. Grr!! But he was excited about the trip anyway. So I guess it still worked.
We saw Montgomery Gentry at the Peppermill Concert Hall that night. Here's a really bad picture to prove we were there. Or at least it proves that we were somewhere with really bright lights. hee!

The concert was awesome! We've never been to one at that venue. It's a really nice place even though it feels like a place that you shouldn't stand up and dance. But we did anyway. :P
My observations about the duo-
Eddie Montgomery was a character! I was surprised to learn that he is a lyrical dancer. He pretty much acted out every song, in dance, through the whole show. Very high energy and fun despite his recent battle with prostate cancer.
Troy Gentry is HOT!!! 'nuff said.
And FYI, me to you, the best beverage deal there is the wine. Much better deal and more for your money than the beer or margaritas. We sampled some of each just to bring you this tip. ;) We like to help.
After the concert, Roger went off to throw away some money gamble. And I did a little shopping.
I got myself this little lovely, just because it matched my outfit. What the heck? That's no sillier than throwing $8 in a slot machine, right?

And then I went back to our room and watched a little of this....

Which was never once tuned in to Nick Jr or The Disney Channel.
And I relaxed and had a good night's sleep in this...

Which was not breached, even once, during the night by a 4 year old who wanted me to snuggle him.
Don't get me wrong. I love the snuggles. But I almost forgot how much I love a full night's sleep.
2/20
We had some breakfast and hit the road for home.
But before we went home we did a bit of shopping for a project.
2/21
We spent the day beefing up our pantry shelves that were sagging in the middle. We took a clue from the what the builders did in the Master Walk in

Added pieces of wood at the wall stud closes to the middle of the length of shelves.

Caulked around the new wood.

Painted the wood and then installed metal shelf brackets.

(That was tutorial-ish for my friend Tawnya. Let me know if you need more info Tawnya.)
This took a couple of hours and way more muscle than I was expecting to lift the shelves to a level position while Roger installed the brackets. So that's all that happened that day. And my arms and calves (?) were quite sore the next.
2/22
I spent the day turning the pantry from this disorganized mess

To this more functional, more organized space.

Everything is labeled and logical and working so much better for me now.
2/23
I drove Heather to her doctor's appointment and watched her babies for her. Bonus grandbaby time!!!
They couldn't hear the baby's heart beat. :(
Held my breath till...
2/24
I watched Heather's kids for her again (double bonus!) while she had an ultrasound.
They saw a beating heart and fluttery arms and legs! Hooray!
Phew!
2/25
Was family dinner night. We decided to try a Utah tradition. Hawaiian Haystacks. I've lived here for 30 years and I've heard lots about them, but hadn't ever tried them before.
They were pretty good! Not something I can imagine ever craving. But still pretty good and I can see why they are so popular around here for serving to large crowds.
You can find a recipe HERE
2/26
We had our Bountiful Baskets pick up. Still loving that!
And we bribed our awesome neighbor (with our haystack leftovers!) to come and get our Bluray player to stream Netflix. I wish we had figured that out a long time ago. It's AMAZING!
2/27
Today is weigh in day after a few weeks of crazy bingeing. ugh!
Not good.
So Roger and I challenged each other to lose 10 pounds.
First one to lose 10 pounds gets $50.
Let the point counting resume!!!
I'm lacing all his meals with bacon grease now. Shhh...don't tell him.